Yes! I’ve worked with children and families in childcare and education for 40 years. There’s way too much guilt about “leaving your kids”, supporting your family doing what you’re good at and contributing to the world - and enjoying it. And not working at another job besides parenting is also good … except centering our adult lives around our children’s lives doesn’t have good outcomes for the adults or children.
Thanks - I needed the reminder to drop “working mothers” once and for all.
Truly, it starts with us. I relish the time to myself while traveling for work, it enables me to arrive home rejuvenated and ready for what awaits (and that benefits my entire family). And two things can be true: we can miss our kids and savor that we get to work at the same time
This made me think about the private calculations women are constantly doing around ambition:
How much can I want before I become threatening? How much credit can I take before I seem ungrateful? How much do I need to mention my children before everyone relaxes? How much self-erasure buys me permission to be seen?
The part that stayed with me most was the idea of telling children the truth. Not the guilt-soaked version, but the fuller one: “I love you, I miss you, and I also love this work.” That feels like a much healthier inheritance.
Maybe the real shift is not learning how to balance the equation perfectly. Maybe it’s refusing the equation altogether.. Maybe we're coming to that as we all express it more and more
As a childless single gal who's spent her career in male-dominated workplaces, the deflection doesn't strike me as modesty, it's armor. And the cost of wearing it in public is that everyone watching learns it's still necessary.
Women have been so conditioned to make others comfortable with our success that we've gotten very, very good at shrinking in spotlights that were built to celebrate us.
Love this piece and I'm celebrating Emma's challenge to the status quo. She's showing us how to stop preserving the past (including using that two-word apology "working mother" that we....keep making).
Yes! I’ve worked with children and families in childcare and education for 40 years. There’s way too much guilt about “leaving your kids”, supporting your family doing what you’re good at and contributing to the world - and enjoying it. And not working at another job besides parenting is also good … except centering our adult lives around our children’s lives doesn’t have good outcomes for the adults or children.
Thanks - I needed the reminder to drop “working mothers” once and for all.
We need to own what we love, let our kids see us working and stop saying working women.
Truly, it starts with us. I relish the time to myself while traveling for work, it enables me to arrive home rejuvenated and ready for what awaits (and that benefits my entire family). And two things can be true: we can miss our kids and savor that we get to work at the same time
This made me think about the private calculations women are constantly doing around ambition:
How much can I want before I become threatening? How much credit can I take before I seem ungrateful? How much do I need to mention my children before everyone relaxes? How much self-erasure buys me permission to be seen?
The part that stayed with me most was the idea of telling children the truth. Not the guilt-soaked version, but the fuller one: “I love you, I miss you, and I also love this work.” That feels like a much healthier inheritance.
Maybe the real shift is not learning how to balance the equation perfectly. Maybe it’s refusing the equation altogether.. Maybe we're coming to that as we all express it more and more
As a childless single gal who's spent her career in male-dominated workplaces, the deflection doesn't strike me as modesty, it's armor. And the cost of wearing it in public is that everyone watching learns it's still necessary.
Women have been so conditioned to make others comfortable with our success that we've gotten very, very good at shrinking in spotlights that were built to celebrate us.
Love this piece and I'm celebrating Emma's challenge to the status quo. She's showing us how to stop preserving the past (including using that two-word apology "working mother" that we....keep making).
Obviously there is much to be button pushed by in the world at large ATM but man oh man my tolerance for performative criticism is non existent.
I've always admired you Elise and this article reminded me again why I love your work!
I loved this, thank you for writing it and shining light on Emma!
I love the advice she gave you! I'm stealing that with my kids. Also the did you buy me anything? 😂 The question every kid asks after any trip.
It’s true tho, they don’t remember those first few birthdays.
Yes 100% omg 100% I want to see what this Emma is saying.
👏👏👏