How to Be a Spiritual Warrior

Doing Battle Using the "Offensive Power of Peace."

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The Five of Swords

Last week, I wrote about a Kabbalistic Tarot reading I had with Mark Horn where he told me that I need to understand that the Spiritual and Material are not separate. I am still processing this reading and it is unfolding in weird and synchronous ways around me. I’ll likely spend the next couple of newsletters exploring this, along with my upcoming end-of-month solo episode on the podcast. Fundamentally, I’ve come to understand that I’m dealing with questions of whether I really truly have faith in the universe—both in terms of my own life, as well as what’s unfolding on the collective stage. And I’m also grappling with the function of joy, and how to stay connected to it as a vital energy when the world is feeling awfully serious: I got a big lesson in this past weekend, when I went to the mountains to go skiing with Chelsea Handler. I’m trying to synthesize all the synchronicities that keep showing up as the world seems to get weirder and weirder. So welcome to this ride! (Are we in a simulation? Anyone else?)

Here we go.

As part of my reading with Mark, I pulled a handful of deeply meaningful cards, some of which we discussed last week, and others that include his least favorites. Woot! I had one of these unlucky cards at the bottom of my Sephirot, in the position called the Malkuth, which represents the physical world or the “indwelling” of God in matter. In this spot, I had the Five of Swords. One of the things I love about a reading with Mark is the back-and-forth where he asks you to translate the picture based on what it means to you before telling you the card’s official “book meaning” followed by his interpretation Kabbalistically.

I told him that the card looked to me like a crucifixion, that the swords on the ground didn’t look like swords but more like crosses: “I’m guessing I need to die to myself in some way? Some old part of me needs to go?”

He told me that the card represents betrayal: “Someone is betraying you, or you are betraying yourself.”

“Well that makes sense with a crucifixion, I guess. Judas betrayed Jesus. We all have our own inner Judas.”

He then offered a fuller interpretation, explaining that the card had come up in a reading he had done for the collective earlier that week:

“The figures in the background, they’ve dropped their swords. They’ve given up and surrendered and are walking away in despair. Meanwhile, this figure in the foreground says, ‘Good, I’m taking your weapons.’

“In the context of this reading for you, this card represents a breakdown in standing up for yourself. Intrapsychically, I see it as representing one’s inner saboteur, an unwillingness to confront a difficult issue because of feelings of self-judgment or inner criticism, which unfortunately can lead to disaster. ‘I failed here and so I’m going to walk away.’ But by walking away, you’re putting yourself in grave danger. Your bare back is exposed. This seems to be a warning that you should not try to do what you want to do on your own—and don’t betray your own value in the process.

I don’t think this applies to you in the context of this reading, but sometimes this card represents a willingness to do something dishonorable which might result in a temporary win, but will be a betrayal of one’s values. Would you take advantage of someone when they’re defenseless?

I emailed him after to to ask him how he had read the card for the collective, as it feels important. He wrote:

“The standard ‘book interpretation’ of the Five of Swords is ‘failure, defeat, dishonor, the shock of loss.’ And looking at the scene in the Waite-Smith deck this makes perfect sense. But when I am looking at this card in a reading, these words don’t tell enough of the story.

“The Five of Swords corresponds to the Sephira of Gevurah, which has both positive and negative meanings, such as structure and organization, versus stricture or disorder.

“Lately I’ve been considering the Five of Swords on the macro, societal level, seeing two figures who appear dispirited and have dropped their swords, while in the foreground there is someone already carrying three swords and headed to pick up the other two. When I was looking at the card recently I felt that it captured how demoralized I’ve felt in the face of recent political events. And how this despair has led to a kind of paralysis that’s dangerous, because there is still a dangerous enemy who will use this to their advantage. I realize that my political beliefs are rooted in my spiritual values and I don’t have the luxury of despair. There are people depending on others to keep fighting. So I saw this card as a warning not to give in to hopelessness.

“Because we see the figure in the foreground picking up the swords left behind, I also see this as a situation where there is someone willing to violate the social contract, who is happy to break the rules of engagement. His smile suggests he takes pleasure in the pain that he has caused. (Gevurah is also about rules, discipline, and boundaries.) In both interpretations—the colective and the personal—it’s a warning not to drop one’s defenses. Demoralization is dangerous.

“What all these interpretations share is the message that it’s essential to stand up for one’s spiritual values—to not let one’s guard down either when we’re facing an outer enemy or our inner saboteur.”

This idea of betrayal and fighting for spiritual values knocked on my memory, and I went back to a Carissa/Yeshua transmission from several years ago, which had two parts. These are my notes from what I heard, hopefully they’re not too confusing.

First, he/she gave us the larger context, explaining that we are at the beginning of a massive era shift that we will feel in our own lives, sure, but also in the collective. We are evolving out of our current snail shell. We must brave the elements—naked, exposed, vulnerable—until we find our next, roomier snail shells. Many of us have been practicing this in our own lives for the past five years where we’ve evolved beyond what our old snail shell can contain. Naturally, the fear of leaving old structures that felt safe and known is very intense. Things could go wrong. Many of us feel very exposed and are looking for dark corners in which to hide. (Like the Five of Swords, we are skulking way, which is a mistake.) There is more safety in the light. We must summon our faith that we are protected. Our job is to not take “unrealized shadow” into the new snail shell. The Divine is holding us all accountable for dissolving the old identity and old snail shell—personally and collectively. The new snail shell is roomier and safer and the journey to find it won’t feel like a burden if we can stay in faith.

The first part was about how in the years to come, during this transitional phase, we’d be summoned to be divine warriors on the mountain—and not in the valley. He/she explained that times were coming where it would not be enough to be in passive peace. For these times, we would be armed with “the offensive power of peace.” This “active” peace does not come not from the horizontal world, but is sourced from the vertical: We will need to stop fighting the illusion battle of the valley to win the peace on the mountain—peace of integrity, humility, and originality.

Rule #1: Though true spiritual battle is fought within you, it is also beyond you and not about you.

Rule #2: If you need to be a divine warrior, which you will, you must learn to fight the battle from the mountain, not from the valley. You will fight battles within yourself to get to the top of the mountain: It requires integration of shadow, letting illusion self die, again and again. In the valley, the weapons used are defensiveness, wrath, projection, pillaging, taking, sticks, stones, violence, victimhood, swords, tongues, self-righteousness. On the mountain, all you have is your nakedness.

Rule #3: Strength is not about winners and losers. It is about redemption, evolved and unevolved. There is no banishment when it comes to divine battle, just redemption. The battle is for peace.

Valley Warriors have selective hearing, they think it’s okay to resonate with some things and not others. But on the mountain, you can’t bypass anything. Valley Warriors live in story, not the truth. Mountain Warriors hold the sword of truth, one that mirrors back the image of the beast, startling it. It is not about killing the beast, it about integrating the beast. The Mountain Warrior converts the dragon, it doesn’t slay the dragon.

The second part was about the energy of betrayal. First, he/she explained that betrayal is the most painful form of loss: When we experience betrayal, we almost need to relearn how to live, as it causes us to lose trust in our own intuition and discernment. And then he/she explained the second, less-discussed definition of this energy: “Betrayal is the revelation of something hidden or secret.” Betrayal is the shadow side of truth. It was a long transmission, but in a nutshell, betrayal is the main lever of growth through shadow: It is a massive form of descent, and you must battle your way up in order to not be subsumed by the energy of betrayal. It’s a particular type of loss that requires forgiveness, grace, and a shit-ton of peace to transcend. Because of this, resurrection from betrayal is the fastest way up the mountain. It strengthens intuition and discernment like a whetstone as restoring trust requires mastery. You must take the wound and infuse compassion, patience, and love. You must thank the lover, friend, family member, politician, entity, corporation who betrayed you: Through shadow, they showed you the truth. They gave you clarity. They are offering you liberation through betrayal and an opportunity to move faster into resurrection and peace.

Rule #4: Even when you have been betrayed, never betray your peace. Sovereign freedom comes when you cease-fire with the energy of betrayal. Remember: Betrayal is the shadow side of truth. The Mountain Warrior holds the sword of truth.

Rule #5: Remember that as a human, divine freedom when realized is bittersweet. It is a mixture. Each scar is wisdom. Divine freedom is stillness, stability, simplicity, and surrender regardless of what is happening around you.

Qualities of a Mountain Warrior:

A. Mountain Warriors are willing to submit to a consciousness and wisdom greater than themselves.

B. Mountain Warriors respect teachers and elders.

C. Mountain Warriors do daily drills apart from meditation; exercises focused on humility, integrity, and originality.

D. Mountain Warriors always follow intuition and discernment (the two pedals of inspiration). They give themselves the space they need and are not burdened by impatience.

The “world” will tell you to be a Valley Warrior. The “world” is an “unrealized” collective that wants you to stay home. The “world” is very scared of people who break free from the valley.

“Respect those on the mountain. Receive tuition from those on the mountain. I’m giving you tools to rise to the top of mountain—not as a human crusader but as a divine warrior. If there is something I need you to do, I will make it clear. You will recognize it as joy: Laughter, resolution, a knowing. What needs to shift is beyond you. When I need to summon you, I will let you know.

Phew. That was a lot. I pinged Carissa and she told me that she, too, had just been directed to re-listen to that transmission, so maybe she’ll join me on the podcast to talk it through.

I’ll be back soon to talk about faith, the mountain, the calling, and joy. In my latest podcast conversation with activist Loretta Ross (“How to Talk to People You’d Rather Hate”), staying connected to joy was a big theme. As she writes in Calling In, “In my travels, I’ve discovered that most people are remarkably similar: they just want to take care of themselves and their families, do the right things, and get along in life. When I meet people with short fuses looking for a chance to be offended, I wonder why they keep making choices that don’t seem to bring them any joy.”

See you on the mountain.