I'm a psychotherapist and have been quoting this analogy from Peck all my working life (25 years). I'm so glad I read that book all those years ago - it has been a wonderful clear way of expressing and exploring what the aims of a relationship can look like - to my clients and to myself. Thank you for quoting and revisiting it here. It's truly lovely to find another appreciative receiver of the wisdom.
It’s funny because base camp is everything to me at the same time that wanting something more has also been my truth since I was a child. The divisiveness of the politicized society we live in has created a false binary. You can work but then if you want to stay at home and raise your kids, you’re a traitor to the feminist cause. You can stay home and tend to basecamp, but then you’re a tradwife. I just WANT to do work I love and I WANT to be able to drop my kids off at school and be with them for a good part of the day (not the whole day, but a good part of it). Funnily enough, I’ve created that for myself and I feel so guilty/uncomfortable because it doesn’t fit in a nice box. I have a creative job people don’t easily understand and I am not a full-time stay-at-home mom. It’s like I’m floating in an isolated ether, unable to fit into the square pegs society wants to fit me in. That’s what is tough about change. It’s uncomfortable, for men and women. Tending basecamp is hard. Climbing mountains is hard. It’s all hard, lol! But that’s how we grow and it’s better to do it together. Thanks for sharing this great analogy!
It sounds like you've found the right balance. I understand the doubt, and it seems that many women, whether working mothers or stay-at-home mothers, experience this due to being socialized to care about others' opinions.
With society offering limited roles for women, not having a clear path to follow can make your choices feel heavier. Yet, by doing what works for you, you're a trailblazer, lighting the way for others. Keep going!
Thanks for your comment! I don’t feel like a trailblazer, lol, but then I suppose that’s another conditioned societal expectation to let go of. Who knew (and how sad) that trailblazing could be as simple as doing what you want!
Thank you for resurrecting and rebirthing a timeless analogy from Peck. Also I want to pose another language change. Instead of / or in addition to “I want” and “I would like” why not adopt the language used in yoga and meditation. when you start your practice by stating your intention you state it in the “present” using “I am… a climber, a goddess, a wisdom seeker, a passionate partner, compassionate caretaker, a champion of justice, you get it.
Thank you for this! You gave language to a tension around wanting that I often encounter with coaching clients: "if I want something, if I go after it, will you still be here? If I change, will you change with me?" It can be unnerving to express a deep want and then look around your life and wonder what will happen to all of it. Change is possible, but you have to carefully tend to all domains of your life along the way, including your self, your relationships and your environment.
This is a beautiful and useful metaphor and sentiment! I can't help thinking of my own college graduation in 1999 when there was hardly an Internet and no social media. The Russian ambassador to the USA was the speaker and he said nothing of interest to any of us. The only memorable phrase he repeated was "Russia will prosper." We were all puzzled by the choice. The great thing about 1999 was that no one shared that speech and no one heard it aside from the 5000 or so us who graduated on that day. The year after us, John Mellencamp was the speaker and he might as well have recited the lyrics to "Jack and Diane." Both of these speeches were forgettable. It's too bad the speech of this "kicker" could not be forgotten as well. Then only the graduates would be the victims of his archaic thinking and not the entire world.
This very beautifully articulated exactly what my partner and I were discussing this morning. I will bring this analogy into the next conversation 💜 thank you
I'm a psychotherapist and have been quoting this analogy from Peck all my working life (25 years). I'm so glad I read that book all those years ago - it has been a wonderful clear way of expressing and exploring what the aims of a relationship can look like - to my clients and to myself. Thank you for quoting and revisiting it here. It's truly lovely to find another appreciative receiver of the wisdom.
Fantastic analogy
It’s funny because base camp is everything to me at the same time that wanting something more has also been my truth since I was a child. The divisiveness of the politicized society we live in has created a false binary. You can work but then if you want to stay at home and raise your kids, you’re a traitor to the feminist cause. You can stay home and tend to basecamp, but then you’re a tradwife. I just WANT to do work I love and I WANT to be able to drop my kids off at school and be with them for a good part of the day (not the whole day, but a good part of it). Funnily enough, I’ve created that for myself and I feel so guilty/uncomfortable because it doesn’t fit in a nice box. I have a creative job people don’t easily understand and I am not a full-time stay-at-home mom. It’s like I’m floating in an isolated ether, unable to fit into the square pegs society wants to fit me in. That’s what is tough about change. It’s uncomfortable, for men and women. Tending basecamp is hard. Climbing mountains is hard. It’s all hard, lol! But that’s how we grow and it’s better to do it together. Thanks for sharing this great analogy!
It sounds like you've found the right balance. I understand the doubt, and it seems that many women, whether working mothers or stay-at-home mothers, experience this due to being socialized to care about others' opinions.
With society offering limited roles for women, not having a clear path to follow can make your choices feel heavier. Yet, by doing what works for you, you're a trailblazer, lighting the way for others. Keep going!
Thanks for your comment! I don’t feel like a trailblazer, lol, but then I suppose that’s another conditioned societal expectation to let go of. Who knew (and how sad) that trailblazing could be as simple as doing what you want!
I think most trailblazers have bee driven by what they think is best and necessary, so yep, that includes you :)
Thank you for resurrecting and rebirthing a timeless analogy from Peck. Also I want to pose another language change. Instead of / or in addition to “I want” and “I would like” why not adopt the language used in yoga and meditation. when you start your practice by stating your intention you state it in the “present” using “I am… a climber, a goddess, a wisdom seeker, a passionate partner, compassionate caretaker, a champion of justice, you get it.
I WANT a base camp AND I WANT climbing shoes! AMEN! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!
Thank you for another insightful article! I so admire your writing. But I keep coming back to your podcast for your laugh - it’s truly special!
“both must tend the hearth and both must venture forth” 💞✨✈️🏕️🛼⚡️🌈
Thank you for this! You gave language to a tension around wanting that I often encounter with coaching clients: "if I want something, if I go after it, will you still be here? If I change, will you change with me?" It can be unnerving to express a deep want and then look around your life and wonder what will happen to all of it. Change is possible, but you have to carefully tend to all domains of your life along the way, including your self, your relationships and your environment.
This is a beautiful and useful metaphor and sentiment! I can't help thinking of my own college graduation in 1999 when there was hardly an Internet and no social media. The Russian ambassador to the USA was the speaker and he said nothing of interest to any of us. The only memorable phrase he repeated was "Russia will prosper." We were all puzzled by the choice. The great thing about 1999 was that no one shared that speech and no one heard it aside from the 5000 or so us who graduated on that day. The year after us, John Mellencamp was the speaker and he might as well have recited the lyrics to "Jack and Diane." Both of these speeches were forgettable. It's too bad the speech of this "kicker" could not be forgotten as well. Then only the graduates would be the victims of his archaic thinking and not the entire world.
This very beautifully articulated exactly what my partner and I were discussing this morning. I will bring this analogy into the next conversation 💜 thank you