The Codes of Anger

Using the chakras in an unexpected way.

I went to a retreat a few weeks ago where I had a notable experience with anger—notable because I’m not sure I’ve ever really lived with my anger before, certainly not as a constant and ever-present hum. I felt angry for…days. And for no discernible reason. It was at a Carissa retreat, which I had booked months and months ago. (If you need context on what this means, here’s my first podcast with her.) Normally, before one of these getaways, something happens in the weeks before I go where I know what my chunk of work will be: Something in my life gets stirred up, or there’s a big decision to make that requires time and space to process.

Adolph Gottlieb, “Crimson Spinning,” 1959, SFMoMa

But as I drove to this one, I was feeling nothing outside of overwhelm. I had been on the road every week for the two months prior and I was mostly just feeling tired and a little homesick. But during the first evening, as we went around the room doing introductions, I started feeling something new: rage. Nothing inspired it, it wasn’t attached to anything or anyone inside the room or outside of it, there was no target. It had no context and weirdly, no content. I could simply feel anger start to stir and surge in my entire body. It was both intense and completely internal. Nobody would have looked at me, or talked to me, and discerned that I was having feelings.

Later that night, as the first transmission kicked off, I understood why: The subject of the first two day’s transmissions was…conflict.

Some key takeaways from my notes:

“Your Judas self is the part of you that’s a chirping bird that continually talks you into betraying yourself. This creates conflict which manifests as unhealthy holy fire in relationships…when holy fire rises it gives power of revelation and brings light to the basement. If it goes too far, everyone gets burnt. Holy fire as campfire, not bonfire.”

“Conflict cannot be avoided. The definition of peace means absence of conflict—but to get to peace, you must accept, face, and integrate the fire-breathing dragon. Truth and love create peace: These two energies alone aren’t easy to manage and even harder to reconcile.”

“Instead of rushing to resolve conflict, experience it.”

“Conflicts are what occur when you forget you need issues as a human being. Where would evolution be without issues? You may not want issues, but you need issues.”

The next morning, I woke up early—still on fire. It felt both weird and also good—vital, in a way I hadn’t really experienced before. I was a little uncomfortable. but I knew I needed to let this anger be, to feel the feeling without trying to repress it or resolve it. (Plus, it had no easily discernible source so I didn’t actually know what to “do” with it.)

During the second day’s transmissions, I got some answers—and a call-out for mastering “Code Blue.” (See below.) This fits: My go-to throughout my life has been to rationalize and higher-mind what I’m feeling, without really feeling it. As Carissa spoke, I realized that my lower chakra zones aren’t exactly “online.” This experience of anger gave me a chance to feel them again.

Carissa/Yeshua started the day discussing disturbances. I felt so “disturbed” I was literally ill, and had to lie down so as not to throw up, which really drove home the idea that unresolved and unexpressed anger can make us sick. She gave a list of disturbances where conflict tends to strike (the etymology of conflict is “to strike” + “together”), including but not limited to:

1. Disturbance of Flow (big one for me)

2. Disturbance of Space (big one for me)

3. Disturbance of Connection

4. Disturbance of Needs & Boundaries

5. Disturbance of Integrity

6. Disturbance of Expression (big one for me)

7. Disturbance of Evolution

8. Disturbance of Beliefs

9. Disturbance of Moment/Presence

10. Disturbance of Trust

11. Disturbance of Ego

12. Disturbance of Faith

13. Disturbance of Security

14. Disturbance of Safety

15. Disturbance of Fear/Control (big one for me)

(If you didn’t know, I really love a list.)

We spent some time adding our own to the list and then we dove into 7 Rays of Conflict Resolution, which, well, I loved. Notably, as we went through this, my nausea began to subside.

CODE RED (ROOT CHAKRA): Utilized when safety is threatened. Address conflict directly, firmly, from a grounded stance with as few words as possible. “No.” “Stop.”

CODE ORANGE (SACRAL CHAKRA): Use this when you’re dealing with someone with an exploding ego who is having a temper tantrum (including a child). Deflect and distract by disrupting the disturbance through reorienting the conversation. Do not put yourself in direct burst of current.

CODE YELLOW (SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA): This is about asserting healthy power and healthy control. Turn down fear switches and turn up healthy control switches. Counter the current of conflict instead of being struck. Recognize that conflict is present and be assertive to the person coming at you with a clear and firm voice that’s not raised. Repeat the same thing over and over and over again. Use the same script. “Put the gun down.” “Please don’t speak to me in that way.” At first, they will be confused; then angry; then they won’t want to deal with you anymore.

CODE GREEN (HEART CHAKRA): This is when your heart is right in the middle of the conflict because someone is having an experience. This is where you listen and let them get some of it out before you speak. You aren’t to swallow it but you are to hear, and bring light to common ground.

CODE BLUE (THROAT CHAKRA): Code Blue is passive non-resistance and being unattached to the current of conflict. This isn’t about avoiding or running away, but about picking your battles and discerning that being the counter-polarity is not always right for you. You don’t need to be in everything with everyone. When you are not welcomed or invited into a town or village, when you are being hated or persecuted, shake dust off your feet before you leave that place.

There are two emanations of Code Blue: Passive non-resistance (with Herod, I did not say a word). The other is to use the Socratic method. Ask questions, and keep asking questions. Find an unbiased source in your life who can reorient your perceptions.

CODE INDIGO (THIRD EYE CHAKRA): This is the seat of sensory perception. When you can close down your focus on the current of conflict and open your sensory perception, everything can calm down. “What am I seeing and hearing in this moment” allows you to sense and see the revelation.

CODE VIOLET (CROWN CHAKRA): Often, your “In Theory” self has certain expectations about what an experience should be. Ask: Am I feeling conflicted because this experience is disturbing my “In Reality” self? (Note: Carissa is going to come on the podcast to explain “In Theory” versus “In Reality" selves because it’s fun.) The “In Theory” self has ideas about how everyone should behave. Use Code Violet when you need to manage expectations, including your own.

CODE SPECTRUM: This occurs when there is a massive disturbance of the peace—ocean currents become a riptide. If you fight the current, you’ll drown. SWIM SIDEWAYS.

As the second day wrapped up, I still wasn’t done with my anger. We spent another night together and it woke me up at the crack of dawn. I went for a walk, renegotiated my contract with the divine (yes, you can do this!), and drove back to the retreat. Later that morning, Uta Opitz, an incredible energy healer who was also attending took me into the woods for a session during a break, which I can only liken to taking an RV to a sump dump. I could feel energy leaving me and tunneling into the earth—but it also felt like the part of me that had come back “online,” stayed online. Uta was just cleaning it out. I felt in that moment that my incessant “Code Blue-ing” had been siphoning off the top of my anger without ever letting me get to that hardcore, primal NO. That I had been working overtime in my mind to keep my body out of it. I hope I’ve found it again—and I never want to let it go.

For more on Anger:

My podcast episode with the incredible therapist Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger

Words with Elise: Anger

Sin: ANGER

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